Well I thought I had better put something on here, as quite a few of you have been wondering what's going on. Thank you, btw, for caring and for keeping up! I appreciate all the well wishes and support and encouragement more than you'll ever know!
Life is hard right now. I have so many wonderful things to be happy for, and I am, but deep down my heart won't stop aching. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of TTC and still wanting so badly to have another baby. Everytime I hear of someone else getting pregnant or even just seeing a tiny baby out in public, it's all I can to hold it together! I feel as if I'm grieving. That's so crazy, but it is what it is.
Jay and I have every intention of getting back on the TTC bandwagon, but we're not sure when. Money is tight right now as we're trying to get some bills paid and she's trying so very hard to get another job. She officially has her Masters now, and I couldn't be prouder of her!! :) If only something good would come our way, it would be the answer to all our prayers. We have about half the money we need saved up right now. Even once we get the full amount, that's only one cycle's worth! Going to an RE is going to be expensive. That's why we thought we were saving money doing it at home. I checked the NW boards yesterday and seen someone else got a BFP after 19 cycles at home (I think). Wow! That's so awesome! I almost feel like we're missing our BFP by not continuing to try at home, but we can't do that AND save money at the same time for the RE. I guess the doctor assisted is our better chance. ?? Each day just passes by so slowly, and to think it could be a couple more months before we can try again...it's just very hard.
Right now I'm babysitting my cousin's 8 month old baby, Jaxon. I watch him Tues-Fri all day. He's a great baby and it helps pass the time a little quicker. In some ways though it's hard. I sit and dream that it were MY baby that I'm caring for. I know it will happen for us...it's just not knowing that's so unbearable.
Together we will get through it.
Liam is doing great in school, as always. I'm just so proud of him. Only a few more weeks of school and he's getting very excited for summer vacation! He seems to be really blossoming this year!! Growing into quite the little man!! :)
I guess that's all for now. I'll try to post every few weeks just to keep everyone up to date on what's going on. Please keep us in your prayers, as I will do the same for all of you.
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Today, today I have hope. Today, I have Faith that my womb will create a sheltered and sacred place for our child to grow. Today, I believe that we will receive this most precious gift of a child so long and consciously planned, so deliberately created, so unconditionally loved.
About Me
- Lora
- Middle of, Ohio, United States
- This is a place for me to journal my thoughts and feelings while trying to concieve baby #2. My partner Jay and I have been TTC for over a year now, still with no success. But we will we not give up and continue on this long and treturous road...to baby toes!
4 comments:
Hey sweetie- Dont ever give up hope for that BFP. Mine was 6 cycles in the make (which isnt a lot in the scheme of things) but still lots longer than I wanted. If it doesnt make you insane, the ttc process- or just getting there- will make you so much stronger! I remember taking months and months off and I felt like I was "grieving" too. It's real, and it's ok. That's how you know you really want something I think!! If I win the lotto tonite I'll be sure to share! Love reading the blog by the way- keep them coming! Aradia
Thanks so much, Aradia!! My friends at NW are the ones keeping me going!! I needed that encouragement! THANK YOU!! :)
You are grieving, you're grieving the loss of what you had planned regarding how soon you would get pregnant. Take the time you need and take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you.
Don't give up! It can happen :)
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