I'm not even sure how to start this. I didn't even think I could get on here today and write this. I had every hope that this blog would turn into a journey of my pregnancy, but as it turns out, it's not. Not now anyway. Our 6th cycle was a bust, so our road to parenthood (again) has stopped for the time being. I made some calls today and got some information, so at least we have a goal to set and know how much money we'll need to save to start again. It will be a while, but I don't think we've given up yet.
My heart is breaking. I feel as if I'm grieving, but I haven't lost anyone. Well, I guess I feel as though we've lost the "idea" of having our baby. It saddens me to the core. But I knew going into this 7 months ago that this was a possibility. I tried gearing my heart up for the disappointment, but in all reality, I guess one can't totally prepare oneself for defeat. And yes, I do feel defeat. Defeated by Mother Nature. Why some people can so easily become pregnant, and others of us can't, it's just a mystery that we, as humans, aren't meant to understand I guess. It will take time, but I know my heart will heal and someday I'll be ready for this journey again. I will not give up on the idea of giving Liam a brother or sister.
More than likely, I won't post here for a while because...well...there won't be anything to post really. My emotions are raging on high right now...this was a place that I thought would bring me comfort in these times, but I find it harder to deal with when trying to put the words from my heart onto the screen. Maybe because there are no words to describe how I feel. Not really.
Thank you all for reading this, for following our journey, and for the prayers and well wishes. Especially to all my friends at NW. I hope to be back before too long. :)
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7 comments:
Lora, I am so very very sorry. I don't have any other words of wisdom for you but I hope that whatever happens, you find peace with that. Sending lots of good wishes and hugs your way.
Lora,
My heart and Prayers go out to you and Jay! May God be on your side through the good and bad. I wish I had words to help but...I know nothing I or anyone says can help at this point. Take care of yourself and try to keep your chin up!!! Remember God has plans for you!!
Love your friend,
Debbie
Lora.... I am so so sorry. I totally understand your frustration, sadness and internal pain.
This process is so difficult and many times I have felt it to be so unfair. I too never understood why some get that BFP so quickly and others have to wait. We will never understand I guess...
My friend... you and Jay will be moms to another little girl or boy. Maybe a break will do you good? I am thinking of you both and praying you feel better soon.... HUGS HUGS and MORE HUGS for you....
I am very sorry. Take time for yourself and your partner and your son. I wish you the best.
I know how you feel. For the past month I have felt defeated. Why did all the girls who got BFP's within days of me get to keep their babies and I didnt? Its natural to feel this way. This too shall pass. Keep your chin up.
I know how you feel. We did a good 12 cycles before we stoped TTC. It really is a big loss. I hope you feel better soon!
just checkin in with you girls, are you hoping back on the ttc train again soon ?
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