I'm back, I'm back, I'm back!! :)

Ok, first off, I apologize. I know it's been like AGES since I've posted anything, and I am sorry for that! I came on today to check in and actually read up on some of my favorite blogs, and realized I had a couple new comments. That's so sweet, thank you!! It's been a rough month. I created this blog about a year or so ago when we first started TTC, and it was supposed to be a place to record my emotions, the ups and downs and all that stuff that goes along with this journey. Well, I put my entire heart and soul into this last cycle, for many many reasons, and I never thought for one second that it would end in another BFN...so when it did, it hit hard. Really hard. Once again we're in financial woes, so we're on hold AGAIN. That's tough. In that TWW, we didn't even once discuss the "what ifs" if this didn't work this time. So now it's like where do we go from here?? Saving up the money for the RE that's 2+ hours away seems like an impossible dream. Time, I feel, is NOT on my side. So "waiting" and "saving" aren't words that are easily spoken or accepted in my mind. I'm now going on 38, and while it's still very possible to get pregnant, it's also very LIKELY that I might not be able to concieve again. And putting this on the backburner right now is a hard reality to face. Even when I got pregnant with Liam and I knew my husband would NEVER want to try for another child after that, I still always felt in my heart that Liam would NOT be an only child. I had no idea what paths my life would take, but somehow I ended up here. With Jay. And I'm very happy about that. Happy and blessed. And our lives together seem like the perfect place to bring another child into....so why is this so hard??? We joined this gay/lesbian parenting group in a larger city about an hour away about a year ago. Well in that year, there have probably been 6-10 GAY couples that have had children or are now expecting. Why not us??? I guess that's why I haven't blogged in a while. I've had so much disappointment and hurt that I didn't want to drudge it all up by posting it on here. Everyday seems harder. Time goes so slowly. I'm ovulating this week and I should have sperm here dang it, and yet we don't. This was my 3rd cycle on Clomid, so I'm assuming that's not going to work. My Ob/Gyn is at a loss as to what to do now, so basically we just keep wasting money trying at home, or save up and go see the RE. Again, that seems like next to impossible from this point. If it weren't for the large amount of credit card debt we're already in, this probably wouldn't be a problem, but what do ya do??? Live and learn. That seems to be my latest motto! I am finally at a turning point though, and after a wake up call from my 6 yr old this weekend, I'm now ready to face my fears and get help. I'm going to start seeing a christian counselor this week. I have my first appt Wednesday. Luckily they have a sliding scale for those of us with no insurance. :) I have to find a way to deal with this before it destroys me. Among other things.

So...that's kind of where I've been, where I'm at and I guess where I'm going! :) We did have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I do realize how very blessed I am to have Liam and Jay in my life. I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving as well. Other than depression, I guess there isn't much else to write about. Sorry for the boring blog. I had such high hopes I'd be writing about morning sickness or weight gain by now!! Maybe by this time next year. Hmmmm....that's what I thought this time LAST year!!!

I promise I'll try to keep up on the blogging and write more often. I just wish I had something more cheerful to write about. Jay and I have joined a small connections group with our church about 5 weeks ago, and that's also been a huge blessig in my life. Right now I'm really trying hard to turn all this over to God and leave it all in his hands. Sometimes that's easier said than done however. Gotta give me credit for trying. :) Oh, we traded in our '06 Hyundai Santa Fe about 2 weeks ago. I decided I wanted a lower car payment to maybe help assist with adding to the TTC fund, so we traded in for an '07 Pontiac G6. Seems weird to trade in on a newer model for less money, but I'm actually going to save about $100 a month on my car payment now. We gave up a lot of features, but in the end we feel we made a good decision and we do like the car. With rebates, Jay's GM discount, plus special financing rates, it was hard to pass up.

Let's see, I think I've pretty much covered all the bases. We're hoping to get our tree this weekend. Weather held us back this past weekend. Now if we could get more than a light dusting of snow....more like 2 feet would do!!!! I'm envious of you, Shari!!! Enjoy that snow up in VT!! :) Thanks again to all my friends...I really don't know where I'd be without you all!!

I'll end with a new pic...here's Liam's latest school picture for 1st grade. What a ham he is!!!

OUT....again!

Where do I even begin? Once again the shock and disappointment of good ole AF showed up!! Right on time, right on schedule. UnBeLiEvAbLe! I was so sure this time. Things were different. Not just "symptoms", but just that "I know I'm pregnant" feeling. Wrong.

Still some weirdness going on. First, I had bad AF cramps for DAYS before she showed...that has never happened before! Second, I always have a 5 day cycle and this time it was only 3 days! That's it. 3 days! That's never happened. I've taken 5 HPT's and their all BFN's. ??? Throw into the mix that I came down with Strep and ended up at the ER yesterday! I'm feeling better today, but that's all I needed on top of AF showing up Saturday!!!!!

And then, as if that wasn't enough, I find out Sunday that my one cousin who has a one year old is pregant again!!! This is the one that said over and over again that she does NOT want another baby that she cannot afford!! Guess she didn't realize what caused the first one!!

In case you haven't noticed, it's been a rough week. So I'll stop now before this gets any uglier. As for TTC, guess it's off for now. Until we can get our finances in order, at least.

BEAUTIFUL Fall weekend in Ohio!

OMG, what can I say?? The weekend here in North Central Ohio was just amazing!! It was around 70-73*, a cool breeze blowing constantly, and sunny, sunny, sunny!!! Yesterday Jay, Liam and I took a ride to this state park called Mohican. I took the tripod this time and we got some totally amazing pictures! If I had a clue how to put a slideshow on here, I'd go for it...if anyone can tell me how, I'll do it. ???? I have a couple places where I make the slideshow, but where do I input the code??? I soooooo want to share these pics! YIKES...there are so many though!! I only took about 160! I promise I won't put them ALL in the slideshow!! lol

On another note, thank you all sooooo much for the prayers and well wishes while we're trying to get through the ever-so-fun 2ww!! I've had some good signs, at least I think...from heartburn (that I never have), AF type cramps for 4 days straight now, acne on my face (never usually get that either) and my temp has been up for days...like 99.3 to 99.8 consistantly. That's with a digital ear therm though. ?? I don't temp and chart. Too much work and frustration!! lol Today is 8 dpo and counting... just keep the prayers coming! THANK YOU!

Now, let me know about this slide show thing and I'll try to do it. Ho hum!!!

I may have figured it out, let's see.... (DUH!!)

Our 7th *and hopefully final* TWW!!

3 DPO already?! Wow! Seems like it was just last night that we made a baby!! :) God, I pray...

Yes, we are officially in our 7th TWW!! What a weekend it's been!! First and foremost, my best friend in the whole wide world was here visiting from Alabama!! Her and her hubby and 3 beautiful daughters came up Friday and left yesterday. Just to set the tone, Jennifer and I have been BEST friends for 10 years! Ours is a very special friendship, in that our entire relationship has been built long distance. We met through a mutual friend (thank you, Kelly!), but didn't really "click" until she moved from Ohio to Alabama. We haven't seen each other in 7 long years!! The last time she saw me, Liam was in my belly and her little Heather was in her belly!! Our kids are exactly one week apart! :) Well, as if that wasn't fantastic enough, I had sort of calculated that we "might" be doing A.I. yesterday or today, which today happens to be Jennifer's birthday. **Happy Birthday, my BESTEST ESTEST friend!** Anyway, as cool as that would have been, it worked out differently. We ended up doing AI on Saturday while they were here!!!!! :) It couldn't have been more perfect!!

I know God is the one who makes all this happen...I have NO doubts...but there's just so many reasons I have to believe THIS is the cycle for us!!!! First of all, Liam was concieved on lucky cycle #7...this was #7 for us. Next, we used donor #514...5 represents May (Jay's bday) and 14 represents Valentines Day (Liam's bday)! And then there's number that crosses my path on a regular basis...1013. It represents a lot of things, including the time that my husband died (10:13 a.m.). I come across this number so many times...and it wasn't until Saturday evening just before we did AI that I realized it was 10/13/07!! Not only that, but we ended up doing AI at 13 hours post +opk!!! I know it all sounds so silly and juvenile, but I really believe things all fell into place the way they did for a reason. And that reason is the creation of our baby!!!! Nothing could have made it more perfect than my Fer-Fer being here!!!! :)

So everyone, if you would, please say an extra little prayer for us when you read this, and throw in a little jar of baby dust if you wouldn't mind also!!

I'm adding some pics taken this weekend, but there are TONS more on www.myspace.com/chicagirl70 for anyone that wants to look!! Thanks in advance for the prayers and FX! We appreciate it soooooo much!!! I'm so ready for our little bean!! :)

Blah, blah, blah Tuesday

Ok Aradia, thanks...I love these things!

Jobs I've had
1) Babysitter (so overrated!)
2) H.R. Specialist for staffing company (also overrated!)
3) Dough-maker at pizza joint
4) Telemarketer

Places I've lived
1) Florida
2) Tennessee
3) hole-in-the-wall one room apartment with my ex-fiance!! (WHAT was I thinking??)
4) Next door (in a side-by-side duplex) to my mom and step-dad (highly un-recommendable)

Food I love
1) pizza
2) apples & caramel
3) chips & salsa
4) garlic cheese bread

Places I would rather be
1) Australia
2) Scotland
3) Living next door to Ellen D*generes
4) Anywhere near water!

Movies I love
1) Because I Said So
2) Meet the Parents/Fockers
3) Catch & Release
4) Anything of Liam when he was little! :)

TV shows I watch
1) Brothers & Sisters
2) Biggest Loser (I wanted to be on there!!)
3) Nanny 9-1-1
4) Private Practice

Books I love (this is a hard one ~ I don't like to read!)
1) Hugs~Daily Inspirationals for Moms
2) LTD Catalog :)
3)
4)

Bloggers I am tagging
1) Tracey of Baby Steps
2) Aradia of Milk-Induced Coma
3) Laine of Two Florida Mommies
4) Soooooo many more!! :p

C'mon...who's next???

A new look!

Finally...Saturday!! :)

I decided on a whim Thursday that I was sick of my dry-looking hair and that it was time for my yearly "Fall look" color change!! So I called my hairdresser, who happens to be my cousin, and she said she would LOVE to do it!! She LOVES coloring my hair, because she knows I'm pretty open to anything and I'll let her try new things! lol I usually have my hair a dark auburn in Fall and Winter, then lighter with hi-lights for Spring and Summer. I was looking online at celebrities and I really like the way Sharon Osbourne always had her hair when it was that deep dark red.

...Well, this is the result! Not exactly what I was going for, as it's a little dark for me, but she reassured me that it will fade out in a couple washings and be more like what I was going for. ??? Hmmmm.... She did offer to redo it on Tuesday if I want, but the more I look in the mirror, the more I'm getting used to it. As much as I wash my hair, I'm sure she's right. So be honest...what do you guys think??? I can take criticism ok. Especially when I'm not ooohing and aagghhing it myself! lol Against my better judgement, I'm posting before & after pics!

Every year, the last weekend of September we have this little festival in our small town called Octoberfest. Well, it's this weekend. So last night we walked uptown for a while and let Liam play a few games, ate some bad-for-you fair food (although it was soooo good!) and ran into tons of people we know! You can't fart in this town without everyone knowing it!! lol Especially when over half the town is somehow related to you!!! Then Jay, Liam and I came home and we decided to have a "slumber party" downstairs in our living room. We blew up the air mattress, watched "Night at the Museum" and curled up together with the cats! ....Well that lasted til about 2 a.m. when I woke up in excrutiating pain!!!! Apparently our air mattress has a small hole and had DEFLATED!! Since I'm a side-sleeper, I was laying hip-to-hard-floor!! Ugh...yea....nice! So I moved up the couch and it was all downhill from there!!! First I started hearing this cat outside our window (we live on an alley and there are tons of strays around here), so it meowed all freakin' night...then the trains started coming through, laying on their whistles allllll the way through town, then this big truck pulled into the alley and was revin' up his engine right outside our window!!!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!

...So...I'm thinking we will NOT be doing the "slumber party in the living room" again anytime soon!!!!

On that note...

I am so blessed!!

Well the BIG DAY came and went. As it started out, I was beginning to think "if this is how 37 is gonna be, then I'm skipping it!" I woke up with a splitting migraine that seemed to last through the day up until about 4:00. Turning 37 was literally a PAIN IN THE NECK! But finally it went away and turned out to be probably my BEST birthday yet!!! My Mom went with us out to dinner at Olive Garden, which is by far one of my favorite places to eat!! They did the whole singing thing, brought the cake, I got embarassed, and all that jazz! Liam, with a little help from Jay, got me the new Season One 6-disc set of Br*thers & S*sters. That happens to be my favorite show! As you'll notice in the picture above, my wonderful, romantic, ever-so-sweet Jay, got me a beautiful white gold diamond ring!! NO, not "THE RING" (note to self: YET!), but gorgeous none-the-less!!! She sure knows how make a girl happy and she also learned early on that diamonds ARE a girl's best friend!! ;) I just love her so much!!! No, not because she got me diamonds, although that helps (lol), but because she is the most caring, giving, loving person I've ever known. She goes out of her way, day in and day out, to make Liam & I happy. I just hope she knows the joy and love that I feel for her and hopefully I do as much for her as she does for us. I truly am blessed. :)

Today is MY day!!

And not afraid to say that I am the big 3-7 today!!!!!

Great day on the boat!

Not much new going on here, but I wanted to share some cool pictures we took Sunday. Jay's parents have a real nice pontoon boat and decided to take us out for a few hours. The weather was perfect. About 70*, sunny, cool crisp day!! Fall is just around the corner. :) I'm so excited! It's definitely my favorite time of year...especially here in Ohio.

Yesterday wasn't such a great day in our world! Liam had to go to a pediatric dentist and have 5 crowns done!!! They said his teeth are perfectly aligned, but they sit very tight together, so that's what's causing the cavities. He doesn't eat much candy at all, doesn't drink pop, only averages one juice box a day (if that!) and consumes milk like it's going out of style!!! He was a trooper though! I expected last night to be a nightmare, and other than the codine had the REVERSE effect on him, it wasn't bad at all! I sure wish they told you all this kind of stuff in childbirth classes or while you're pregnant! Being a parent is the hardest job in the world!! I'm sure I was much more stressed out than him! I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours, worrying, anxiety, knot in the pit of my stomach and ended up getting a splitting headache!!!! I mean, that's my BABY!!!

On the TTC front, I've been tracking O this month and finally got a +OPK today (cd17)!!! WHAT?!?! I never ovulate this late!! So now I'm wondering what's going on. Stress?? Freak cycle? I'm having my progesterone checked Sunday on cd21. Then on cd1, I'll call my doctor and they'll call in Clomid for me!! Then we'll order up what we need and be on our way to baby toes!!!!!!! :)

Mixing things up a bit!!

For any of you that are like me, change is fun!! I'm one of these people that NEED change! I get bored very easily. So, to "shake things up" around the house, I conned Jay into helping me change our living room around this past weekend. We have a pretty good size room, but it's long, not so wide. From the day we moved into our house, exactly 19 months ago, we've always had our TV at the far end of the room. Well, I've had my furniture just about every way imaginable in this room!!! So I finally got smart and said, "hey, lets move the TV!" DUH!! So we moved it to the other end and now I can finally have my couch and love seat in the traditional L shape. OMG, we LOVE it!!! It's soooo much cozier now and the room just flows, if you know what I mean!! Last night I lit some candles, dimmed the lights and it made for a very romantic setting.

....This being said, it was, afterall, our 2nd anniversary of our first date!!!! Wow, looking back, we've come a long way in 2 short years. So many great memories and yet a whole lifetime to go!!! She surprised me last night by taking me to our absolute favorite mexican place for dinner! Liam stayed with his Nana, so it was nice having some quiet time for a little bit. He doesn't eat mexican anyway.

For those of you following our TTC journey, things are looking up and I think we may be back on the road to baby toes next month!!! I called today to see if our donor is still available, and he is, so I'm going to at least order tomorrow. I should be ov'ing in the next few days, so I'll chart this month and start on Clomid again when AF arrives in a couple weeks. So hopefully this time next month, I'll be in my LAST 2ww!!!!! :) PLEASE send lots of baby dust our way!! This has to be our lucky #7 cycle again (Liam was concieved on lucky #7!!)

Back to school

Well Liam started back to school last week! We got our first week under our belts and here it is, only the second week and he's home SICK!! Yep! Caught a cold Friday and was stuffy and runny nose all weekend, then got a fever last night and this morning! Great way to start off the school year. Oh well, what do ya do?? Here's a couple pics of my big 1st grader!! What a handsome boy he is! :) (Not that I'm prejudice or anything!!) I sure did miss him last week. It's actually nice having him home today. *Shh, don't tell the school I said that!! ;) It's been a bit of a rough start....for both of us! He's going through separation anxiety, and frankly, so am I! It's hard to take your "baby" to school and leave them crying for you!! Breaks my heart. I'm sure in time he'll be fine.

Other than school, not much new in our neck of the woods. I did put in my resume at several places last week, so hopefully someone will be impressed and call me this week!? As soon as I get a job, can save up some money, the sooner we can TTC again!!!! This is on my heart everyday. I try not to lose focus of what I already have and enjoying every day with Liam, but yea, it's a constant emptiness in my heart. Anyway, I wanted to share these pics of Liam. :)

Do I have to wake up??

Do you ever just have one of those dreams that are soooo good that you wake up, realize you were dreaming, and try your hardest to drift back off so you can dream the dream again?? Yea, that was me this morning? I had one of the BEST dreams I've had in a long, long time! And usually I don't remember much about my dreams, but this morning I remembered every detail!!

...The beginning of the dream was vague, but from where I remember, I being released from the hospital...with my brand new baby boy!!! :) Jay had come to pick me up and we were both freaking out because apparently he was born 6 weeks early and we were NOT prepared, to say the least! We hadn't gotten the crib, bedding, clothes, even a stroller or carseat!!! That's hilarious because when I DO get that BFP, I'm gonna start shopping ASAP!! lol At any rate, they let Jay and I leave the hospital without even checking to see if we had a carseat...so I held my new baby boy in my arms in the backseat and told Jay to take us to Sears! Funny thing that it was Sears because Jay has an interview there tonight for a p/t position!! lol (Maybe that's a sign of what's coming soon!) Anyway, Liam was with Jay's mom and so we called my mom and told her we were shopping at Sears trying to find everything we needed. Well, I couldn't find the right size diapers (hello...Sears doesn't carry them!!), nor could I find a carseat I liked...so I told Jay we needed to go to JC Penny! I guess Babies R Us didn't exist in my dream! So off to Penny's we went. We got there and I was walking through the store breastfeeding my baby! He was perfect...but so tiny! Well, they didn't have much of a variety there, and in the meantime my mom met us there. So I told Jay to find a catalog because they have some beautiful stuff in there. So she went and got one and we were sitting in the furniture dept, me breastfeeding, and looking through the catalog. Suddenly I spotted it...our baby's bedding set....it was ELVIS!!! lol My mom was in Heaven because she loves Elvis and thought it was an excellent idea!! NOT that this will ever happen in real life!!! ELVIS baby bedding??? I'm cracking myself up as I write this! Anyway, so we did end up going to Target and I found the most adorable carseat and stroller. We still hadn't picked out a name because he was so early, so I don't even know what we named him. But as much as I thought I wanted a little girl, since I have Liam, I don't care anymore...I think Liam needs a brother!! It was a great dream, and up until the Elvis bedding, it was so real. I can still see his beautiful little face, peeking out of the blanket and I remember so clearly breastfeeding him.

I hope, I hope, I hope this dream is significant in some way for what our future holds.

One step closer to being a Doula

Well, I'm on my way!! :) One of the first things I have to complete before even starting my doula training is having 3 books read. I might point out that I HATE to read! Don't know why, but I just don't enjoy it. Not books anyway. Give me the internet, I'm good. ?? I'm a speed reader, then I totally get lost and forget what I read. But that's not what I wanted to write about!! Jay ordered the 3 books for me last week and they've all arrived this week!! OMG, they're awesome! I'm so excited. Just looking through them, I know this is what I really want to do! The first one I've started reading is Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn. Hey, not that this won't come in handy someday when I get my own BFP! I just LOVE this stuff!!! I'm so addicted to all those baby shows on TV - you know the ones, Ladies...A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby on TLC, Birth Day, Special Delivery, House of Babies, and Runway Moms on Discovery Health. That takes up most of my day!! lol I am a total ADDICT to that stuff!!! AND I could watch the same repeats over and over! I wish I had Liam's birth on tape...I'd be watching it over and over. We just have all those "fresh out of the oven" pics!! He HATES seeing those pics of himself. lol He wants to know why he's all bloody...I told him the stork dropped him in the Red Sea and had to fish him out!! :)

Anyway, so I'm taking the next month or so to get these 3 books read...it'll take me at least that long! Then I need to check into the childbirth classes through my Ob/Gyn and a hospital tour. Maybe I'll be able to do the October workshop, if not, we'll shoot for November.

Right now I'm looking for a part time job. I officially started yesterday! I applied online at our local hospital because I heard through the grapevine that there's a p/t position in Registration. I might check with all the local banks and maybe even the vet. I not only LOVE babies, but I love animals too! Friday was my last day babysitting my cousin's baby. As much as I love the little booger, child care in my home is NOT for me!! It's so different when it's someone else's kid and not yours. Maybe with a p/t job I can start to save up money for our TTC also. I have NO idea at this point in time when we'll able to start again. It's so depressing and frustrating! Jay's student loans are now coming due and with an extra $375-400 payment per month, there's no way we can TTC til she 1) gets a better paying job in her field or 2) I go to work p/t.

Things have been sort of rough lately. Financial woes mostly, but that leads to stress, which leads to lots of confrontation!! I know we'll get through it, but hopefully something gives soon and it's sooner than later!! We have such an amazing and strong relationship, but it's scary how things can come between you before you wake up and say "wait a minute here...this isn't happening!" We're at that point. Time for some changes. We need to put everything and everyone (mostly family) on the backburner and start focusing on US again...Jay, Liam & myself. That's where OUR family begins.

Guess that's about it for tonight. Jay is either getting sick with the flu or a cold, OR she's sick from stress. She's laying here beside me on a Saturday night at 10:00 sound asleep!! What an exciting life we lead!! lol G'night all...

I think I've decided what I want to be when I grow up!!

Ok, so I've aimlessly been walking around the past 19 years wondering what I want to be when I grow up. Basically all I ever wanted to be was a mom! I've achieved that and it's been wonderful...more rewarding than I ever expected! BUT, as much as I've truly enjoyed the past 3 years of being a SAHM, I'm getting bored to death sitting at home day in and day out. My life has resulted to endless days spent in p.j.'s and no make-up, doing laundry, running my vacuum daily and turning into a talk show junkie!! It's got to stop! Not only that, but Liam started kindergarten last year and is now ready to start 1st grade in one week, and it's very lonely!! VERY lonely!! So for weeks now I've been trying desperately to think of a reason to go back to school...to find that one thing that I will be passionate about!

...I've found it!

After lots of research on the internet, emails to various people getting information, and phone calls, I have found something that I believe will bring me years of joy and fulfillment! :) And the best part of all is that I won't have to look at the next 2-6 years of schooling.

So what is it, you ask?? I've decided I want to become a certified Doula. For those of you that may not know what that is (although I hope that most of you reading this will already know!), a doula is labor coach that basically offers physical and emotional support during her entire labor and even postpartum. There is definitely some training involved, some workshops to attend, childbirth classes to attend, a tour of a maternity ward (been there, done that!) and then you get certified. A good friend that I graduated with in Florida is now a certified Doula and just within a couple years, she has 3 Doulas working under her now! She loves it! She said it's so satisfying and rewarding to her. I just really love the whole birthing process, and as much as I think it would be awesome to be a labor and delivery nurse, I don't know if I could get through all the schooling. Even being a midwife is probably more than I'm ready for. But who knows, maybe I'll get into the whole Doula thing and discover I DO want to be an RN or midwife. ?? I just know I'm super excited about this, and for now it's something to get my mind off TTC until we can afford to go forward again. I have 3 books I need to read first and foremost. That will take a while, considering I hate to read. The next step would be to attend 12+ hours of childbirth classes and do a hospital tour, then I can register for my first workshop. I'm shooting for November or January for that. I think they skip December because of the whole holiday thing. I made a couple calls today (and just left messages) to some Doulas in our area to see what the demand is for that here. We live in a pretty small area and when I called my personal Ob/Gyn's office, they didn't know of ANY Doula's here!!!! So is that a good thing or a bad thing??? Hmmmm....

I just think this is it. This is what I've been looking for. Something to do with my life...and something I'm really interested in!!

...So what do you all think?? Go for it?? Crazy?? In the meantime, I want to start applying locally for a part time job after Liam starts school. We could use the extra money to start saving for TTC and Doula training. Maybe I'll check with all the banks in town. Oh and now would be a good time to send in that resume to the school system. We have 3 brand news schools opening soon. Hopefully that might mean more positions. Even the cafeteria would be ok for me!!! :)

Hope everyone's having a great week! Happy Hump Day! It's almost over....

I'm finally back!!!

Hey Everyone! I'm so sorry I haven't posted on here in AGES. I just seen today that I had some new comments from my last post, which was so long ago! Thank you so much for all the great comments on the pics from Lake Erie! We actually took another trip back at the end of July to Lake Michigan and Crystal Lake. OMG, words cannot even describe how beautiful it was there. Jay had grown up there over many summers when she was young, and finally wanted to share this special place with someone...me and Liam! :) We only stayed 4 days, but the weather was perfect and we had the BEST time ever!!!! Liam LOVED it there and cried when we had to leave! We took him on 2 different sand dune buggy rides, which was pretty cool, and he rode his first jet ski! Each night we watched the sunset over Lake Michigan and it's something I'll never forget. My whole life, I've always dreamed of watching the sunset over water with that "someone special" sitting with me...well, my dream came true up in Michigan. It couldn't have been more perfect. I have no doubts that Jay is my soul mate, but with everyday life as busy as it is, sometimes I think we take each other for granted and forget about those special feelings in the beginning of our relationship...well, Jay & I got all those feelings back, sitting on the beach at sunset in each other's arms. And watching her & Liam play in the sand together, it just made my heart melt. It also put into perspective how very lucky I am. So many of my TTC friends are still longing to be a mother, and even though I have Liam, wanting another child so badly has made me forget about the wonderful gift I already have right here with me. I know if it's His plan, God will bless us with another child when the time is right. It's just waiting that's so hard.

As for the TTC front, we are still on a break. Taking this vacation was a decision we made together...put TTC on the backburner once again or forget the vacation and do another cycle. We both agreed that we needed to get away. Glad we did! I'm not sure yet when we'll get to do our next cycle. We were shooting for Aug or Sept, which would be in roughly a week or 5 weeks! I'm hoping September. Just glancing at the calender, IF we did get to do a cycle in September, we would be testing right around my birthday!!!! Whoa, wouldn't that be the BEST birthday ever??? :) Could I get that lucky???

That's about all that's been going on for us lately. Liam is getting all geared up to start first grade in about 2 weeks. He's excited, but nervous too. He has done so great over the summer reading. He reads signs everywhere we go, labels, anything!! It's so exciting!! He just lost his second tooth Tuesday. :) So the Tooth Fairy made a pit stop by our house that night. ;)

I hope everyone is enjoying the summer and having fun with family & friends. Like most of the country, we've had some very excessive heat and I'm not liking it AT ALL! I'm a winter girl myself, and am soooooo looking forward to Fall and Winter. You won't hear me complain when it's 10* with 8" of snow!! I'm adding just a few of our pictures from our trip to Michigan and also a link to our new myspace page for everyone to check out. Thanks for reading and for being patient on the update. I love hearing from all of you and appreciate your friendship more than you can imagine!!!

www.myspace.com/chicagirl70

How many days til snow???

Ok, so I've never been a big "fan" of summer anyway, but especially so this year!! We've had some pretty hot days already and it's not even August yet!!! With no central air, life sucks for us at the moment!!! I will just be so happy when the snow is flying again!! I'm definitely a winter girl!!

I haven't posted much lately because there's really been nothing to post! Hope everyone had a nice 4th. Ours was ok. Nothing exciting. I actually was a bit under the weather last week. I started out running a fever of 103*, neck pain, migraine, and chills. I ended up in the E.R. and was diagnosed with a severe sinus infection. Go figure!! I'm all better now though! :)

We did go on a couple of fun day trips lately. Last Thursday since Jay was off, we headed to a place called Malabar Farm. Took some pics with the animals, walked around and just had a fun day. Saturday we took Liam to this place up by Lake Erie called Mystery Hill and Prehistoric Forest. He LOVED it!! Then we stopped off at Marblehead Lighthouse and spent a couple hours there. I'll post some pics! It was breathtaking! The pics don't do it justice! Now if only we could LIVE on the water!! That would be our dream. Jay and I both are big time water buffs! Now if she would just get off her toosh and get a great paying job so we could move!!! (**kidding, my love!!) ;)

On the TTC front, we're basically just hanging low for the moment. Honestly, if I hear of one more person pregnant I think I will have to GAG myself!!! No idea yet when we'll start trying again, but we're HOPING (being the magical word!) to try by September! That would give us a beautiful little bundle by this time next year! :) We'll see...if only God would grant me patience!

Kenny was AWESOME!!!!!

Ok, how do I even begin to sum up the magnitude of how great this concert was?? First of all, we had perfect weather! It couldn't have been better. Just the day before, temps reached 90* and the humidity was so thick you could cut it with a knife, but thanks to a nice thunderstorm that passed through Friday night, we had much cooler and sunny weather for Saturday!! Our friends that live there took us downtown around 12:30, because they knew what traffic would be like. Not only were they anticipating over 17,000 people for Kenny's concert, but the US Open (Golf) was also in town! We took a beautiful ferry ride across the Aleghany River down to Heinz Stadium. Jay, being the MAJOR Steelers fan she is, was in complete awe as we pulled up right in front of the stadium!! She was in Steelers Heaven!! :) The parking lot was filled with thousands of people that had been there since 10 a.m. tailgating! The buzz in the air was something only the truest KC fan can appreciate!!

The show was starting at 4:30, so they opened the stadium at 2:30. We had AWESOME seats down on the floor, 18th row back!!! Right on time the show started and Pat Green performed first. I wasn't too familiar with him, but after hearing a few of his songs, I knew who he was. He was pretty good. Got everyone pumped up for the best yet to come! Then next Sugarland performed and they really put on a great show! Jennifer Nettles is a great artist and really knows how to entertain. She wow'd the crowd when she put on her Big Ben (Roethlisberger) jersey!! Next was the sweet and beautiful Sara Evans! She has one powerhouse voice, just like you hear on the radio. She was great also.

...And then...it was time...this big banner came down over the stage, the lights dimmed with only the stars above and the luminescense of the camera flashes and light up flip flop necklaces throughout the crowd...the music started ("Beer in Mexico") and here pops KC from under this little mini stage out in the center of the stadium!!!! The crowd went WILD!!!!!! He was nothing short of FANTASTIC!!! I've been to a lot of concerts over the years, including Garth 5 times, but no one puts on a show quite like Kenny!!! We got some pretty good shots, which I've posted! The concert lasted 6 1/2 hours....well worth the money, travel and aggrivation of getting out of stadium filled with 17,000 people!!! :) Go, Kenny!!!!!!!!!

Oh, update on Alex: I went to see him Monday, as he had his 7th and final surgery!! They finished sewing up his 18" incision, he came through with flying colors, and they are hoping to send him home by Friday!! He will still have 4 weeks of strenuous therapy before he'll be able to go up/down stairs, drive and basic stuff like that, and he'll be on blood thinners for at least 6 months, and then probably 3-4 months of physical therapy beyond that. But most importantly, he's going to be ok and he made it through the worst!!! Thanks so much, everyone, for all your warm wishes, positive thoughts and prayers. They were much appreciated!

Kenny...Here We Come!!!!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, comments and prayers for my cousin Alex. He had his fifth surgery yesterday to sew up more of his incision in his leg. He came through the surgery great, has now been released by the cardiologist, has one more surgery scheduled for Monday, and hopefully if all goes well, he may be home at this time next week. He will have to have three to four months of physical therapy but they're expecting a full recovery. He now has another baby on the way which will now make them a family of 8! Eight is enough!!!

Jay and I are in Pittsburgh this weekend for our BIG BIG Kenny Chesney concert tonight! Last year we went to Grand Rapids, MI to see him...but were in the very last row in the nose bleed section!! Tonight we will be in the 18th row YEAH!!! You can just feel the hype in the city! :) I hope we can get some good shots and I will post some tomorrow!

Last night we got to meet a special friend whom I've been talking to through NW. Ironically she's 13 weeks pregnant with the same doner we're using! We're hoping more than ever to be pregnant soon right along with her! So far Pittsburgh RockS!!

Update on Alex

Thanks so much, Everyone, for all your well wishes and prayers for my cousin. He is doing better today. Yesterday there was a rather serious scare, as his temp went way up and they discovered he had an infection. They weren't sure where it was stemming from, but they put him on very strong antibiotics. Today, his temp is down, his heart rate is down and thank God his BP is down also! Looks like his body is fighting off the infection. :) He's having surgery tomorrow (Wed) to sew up more of his incision. They don't want to keep him under for very long, so they'll only do a portion of it. His incision from Friday night is about 17". They've only closed about 4" of it so far. I may have already noted that. ?? If tomorrow goes well, they are hoping to do a final surgery Friday and continue sewing up or they may end up doing skin graphs. Looks like he's on the mend, but they are being careful not to say he's completely out of the woods yet. So thank you and please continue to keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. We all really appreciate it.

Weekend from HE**!!!

What a weekend! Friday night turned out to be quite eventful and we've had a major family crisis the past few days. My cousin Alex, who's 5 yrs younger than me, and whom I consider more of a brother, is in critical care as I type. About 11 weeks ago he was pulling 4 of his 5 kids in a wagon and felt something "pop" in his knee. Over the coarse of the past 3 months, he's been going through vigorous physical therapy and to different specialists. This lead to him having orthoscopic surgery last Wednesday. Nothing big...outpatient surgery. (So we thought!) By Friday morning he was in so much pain that he had his wife take him to the ER. After many tests and as the day went on, they discovered he had 3 blood clots in his leg!!! Friday night around 10 pm Jay and I were driving my aunt (his mom) down to Columbus as they were taking him in surgery to go in and hopefully drain these clots. The surgery went ok, but they were concerned about his vitals when he came out. He was at stroke level with BP and heart rate. Luckily that went down and yesterday seemed to be a good day. Well, this morning at church my aunt got a call from his wife that they were taking him into emergency surgery because he was losing too much blood!!! She had his 4 girls with her, so immediately after church she brought them to us and her and DH headed down there. The prayer chain was long and wide today...he has so many people pulling for him! :) The kiddos just got picked up and thank God he's doing MUCH better. They were about to sew up about 4" of his 17" incision, and are planning to take him back into surgery Tuesday for some skin graphs to sew up the rest. He's had a couple close calls, and for being an otherwise "healthy" 31 year old, this has been a big scare to all of us. I would appreciate if any of you would keep him in your prayers. Alex is like a brother to me and we grew up together. I would simply be heart broken if anything happened to him. He has 4 beautiful girls: Jasmine (7), Alex (5), Tasja (4) and Jillian (3). Those kids mean the WORLD to me!! He has a new wife and a 4 yr old step-son. SO much to live for. He isn't out of the woods yet, but he's holding his own tonight. I would just really appreciate any extra prayers we can get for him right now. Thanks Everyone!! :)

YEA!!!!!!!

I'm so happy...our little furbaby Pendleton is back!!! We actually spotted him in the neighborhood Wednesday night and it took 3 hours, but we caught him! He's back safe and sound! Thanks so much for the prayers for his safe return! Life is good again!

Yesterday was my hottie's birthday! I went and had lunch with her, which was GREAT, and then I took her for dinner with my mom, my aunt, a friend and Liam of coarse! I'll have to post the picture from Casa Fiesta!

I just saw a DHL truck on my way home earlier, and it made me think about TTC again. We're debating now on still saving for the RE, which we're no where NEAR what we need, OR do we want to just start trying at home next month for another cycle or two? It's a gamble, but I'm sure my Ob/Gyn would give me the 100 mg Clomid again. ?? Any thoughts? Waiting to see an RE just seems so far out, where as doing another cycle or two at home is more within our financial reach. It's a touch decision. I really would like to be pregnant by the time I'm 37...that's 4 months away! I can honestly say my biological clock IS ticking...loud and clear!! I feel like it's now or never!

Very bad, bad day!!

It's amazing how life can be great one minute and in a flash it turns ugly! Last night around 11pm our beautiful fur-baby Pendleton (that we just adopted a couple months ago) ran out the door! It happened so fast ~ we don't even know why he ran out! He's never tried to get out before. We tried catching him, but he took off. Jay & I were out til 2 a.m. combing the neighborhood. No sign of him. First thing this morning we called the Humane Society, the local vet, the police station and I even ran up and put an ad on the local cable channel. I just made some signs that I'm going to go out and post later. I called one of our neighbors to have her keep an eye out as well.

Why do bad things keep happening to us? Why can't life just be easy and good? It seems everytime we take one small step forward, something happens and we go 3 steps back! I am so in love with my little Pendleton! Poor Liam cried his heart out this morning when we told him!

And then to make matters even worse, I just get a call that my cousin is pregnant...AGAIN! Let me just paint a pretty little picture here: She's 24, has 3 kids already (by 3 different men, I might add!), her and her husband don't work, they live off the government on subsidized housing and food stamps, they can't afford the 3 kids they already have and now here's #4 on the way! Why?

Life is just so unfair. I think I can officially chalk this up to a pretty crappy day!

Proud of my graduate!!

Well my sweet Jay is finally OUT of school and we got the diploma to prove it!! I had the most wonderful surprise party for her yesterday and it went off without a hitch!!! She was, indeed, shocked, to say the least! I wish I could go back and rewind yesterday to do all over again! Her parents and brother and S-I-L were there, along with some good friends and my family. She walked in, I led her to the dining room where everyone jumped out and yelled SURPRISE! She was speechless! I'll post a few pictures from yesterday. It was, by far, the highlight of our weekend. I can't even put into words how very proud of her I am! I have no doubts this degree and all her hard work will pay off soon and land her the job of a lifetime!

I love you, Jay, with all my heart and I am so very, very proud of you!!!